HEARTBREAK WARFARE (II)

Handling and getting over a break-up

I started this series by giving a little insight into the things that could cause a break up and possible warning signs one should look out before your relationship hits the wall. I also gave some pieces of advice on how to make it work if you want it to and how to carefully go about it if not.
Today, I'll be talking about how to handle and get over a break up.
If you've done all you can as a lady to keep your man; you've prayed, changed all the things he complains about, tried to make it work & as a guy, you've put in your very best in making it work but in the end, you still get your heart broken with the news of a break up; then you have to know how to pick up the broken pieces and move on without doing so much damage to yourself and the people around you.

Break ups can be so rough and sometimes, they can be amicable; but no matter what, no one really wants to go through them. The loss of a relationship can bring on intense heartache and stress.

I remember the first break up I had to go through. It was like an "horror movie" being played out before my very eyes. I got home that day after meeting with my boyfriend at the time who gave me the lame excuse of “wanting to sort out some things in his life”. I cried my eyes out when I got home, slept off not long after and left the food the whole family was going to eat in the evening on the cooker. Off course, the whole food got burnt.
It took quite a long time to recover from the experience ‘cause I had invested a number of years, time, resources into that relationship. I have since learnt from personal experience and from other people’s experiences that there are better ways I could have gone about handling the break up that would not have done any harm o my health and self-esteem, instead of “mourning” the already failed relationship all year long and being embittered towards other people.

Here are a few tips to handling break ups:

Ø  Cry/Mull over your failed relationship: There’s no crime in mulling over the reasons for this break up. It’s okay to cry if you feel the need to. Note that the tears may not come immediately and you don’t have to force it because I said so. Just allow yourself some time to think and when the tears come, don’t push them back. Let it out!

Ø  Talk to someone about it: In talking to someone though, you have to realize that the person you’re talking to isn’t perfect and is not your savior. Make sure you’re talking to that person just to free your mind of every pain you may be going through and not for any particular advice at that time. Make sure you also don’t get entangled in any other emotional complications, because often time people tend to talk to the opposite sex in situations like this. Talk to someone just to lift a burden and not for anything in return.

Ø  Don’t second guess the situation especially if the decision to end the relationship was not yours, to begin with. And if it was, still don’t second-guess, because you’d only begin to remember the good times you had and end up forgetting why you broke up in the first place.

Ø  Accept the situation and work on moving on with your life

Ø  Keep your space: This is very important. Break away completely from each other. Don’t buy the “let’s stay friends” idea just immediately after a break up. Take a break from keeping in touch with his/her family members and some really close friends that you met as a result of the relationship, just for a while.

Ø  Surround yourself with friends; compassionate, supportive friends and family that will help you see yourself as a worthwhile person. Don’t isolate yourself.

Ø  Remove memory triggers: This could mean deleting pictures, messages, songs, stop using a particular scent that he/she uses; just anything that will trigger the thought of your ex.

Ø  Stay active: expend your energy on worthwhile projects. Exercise your body. Research has shown that exercise improves one’s mood and alleviates depression. So, take a long walk, jog, and go to the gym. Asides that get involved in other things that will keep your mind busy but will make you happy.

Ø  Don’t take out the hurt on other people and don’t try to hurt your ex: No doubt, you may feel this way at some point and you may even derive a bit of satisfaction from this if you venture into it, but it really isn’t worth it. So, don’t! Let go of the negative emotion. Understand that there is no benefit in holding on to heartache, regret and hatred toward your ex and other people.

Ø  Stop looking out for the next probable partner amidst your friends and colleagues: Now is not the time to start thinking of getting into another relationship. You need some “Me-Time”. Get some! Enjoy being single for a while.

Ø  STOP TELLING THE STORY: I cannot over emphasize this point. It doesn’t make you look good talking about your failed relationship to everyone that cares to listen. People will want to listen, no doubt but stop whining about your past experience. Move On!

Ø  Don’t worry; Be happy: Find happiness in other areas of your life. Go shopping, go see a movie. Just make sure you consciously make yourself happy. Live, Love and Laugh.

Ø  The God-factor: I intentionally made this the last point. I cannot exhaust all there is to know in involving God and his Sweet Holy Spirit in every facet of life and most especially in a break up situation. He is the one that can really feel whatever it is you’re feeling after being broken up with. You can bet that He is actually the one that can comfort you and give you the strength to use the rest of the tips I have given above. So, make it a point of duty to pray about your break up and express your feelings to God.

STAY STRONG AND DON’T BE BROKEN. You are loved!

*If you still have issues bothering you and you need someone to share it with, you can reach me via my mailbox: teewaieff@yahoo.com or tolulfaith@gmail.com


*pictures were sourced from google.