Haters gon' hate! - October reflections

I have been driving a lot this year. Actually, I started the year with a resolution to perfect my driving skills in Lagos. It's not that I don't know how to drive. As a matter of fact, my husband calls me James Bond when it comes to driving in Ibadan, because according to him, I drove a certain type of way (super fast) the night to our wedding when we had to go home to pick souvenirs for our friends lodged somewhere far from my father's house. We had spent the entire day trying to perfect a dance (that we eventually did not dance sef 😂); going through final wedding procession rehearsals in church and just going back and forth picking up stuff I can't even remember now. Anyway, by the time we were done with final errands, most of our friends had arrived and we forgot to pick their souvenirs which we had planned to give them at the hotel later that night. So I had to drive super fast to the house and back to the hotel around 8pm (which is really late for Ibadan people). 

But when I settled in Lagos, I stopped driving totally, because of fear of Lagosians and their style of driving. You know how they say if you can drive in Lagos, you can drive anywhere? I believed that saying. Ibadan people have their skoin moments but Lagos drivers are on another level. So for about two years or maybe even three, I never drove. My husband blamed himself; he always said he was the reason why I never drove, because he was too soft on me - always driving me around or paying for my cab. I won't even lie, I enjoyed it. But one day, we finished from church late and I had promised a friend a visit that same day. I told Hubs and he just said okay. When we got home, he changed and relaxed in the sitting room. I was so confused. The plan was for us to go home, pick up the meal I promised to take to my friend's place and he would drive me there. But my dear husband did not move from the sofa o. All my whining fell on deaf ears that day. 😂 That's how I vexed, took the keys (I had a valid license) and off I went, driving slowly out of the estate with hopes that my husband would call me to ask if I was still in the estate so that he can come and accompany me (at the very least) even if he won't drive. Lo and behold, this wonderful man did not even call till I got to my destination, finished my visitation and came back home. Chai. O ja mi lara je (ask a Yoruba friend to interpret 😂).

The miracle in that drive was the fact that it was my second time driving in Lagos but first time driving alone from Agege to Ogba (if you know Lagos) alone, using Google maps. Thank God I made it back in one piece. Since then, I never drove again until this year when something similar happened and Hubs did not bulge and I had to start driving actively. I even started driving long distances and now I've driven across two States multiple times.

But here's the best part. In all my years of driving, I've never gone beyond 80 km/hr. Today, I went a bit faster. I clocked the 100 km/hr mark and I was very proud of myself, not because I could not have reached that mark earlier, but because I reached it today without feeling fuzzy and eyes blurry (which was what used to happen in the past for me, especially when I'm driving on the highway). You'll see me catching my breath in this video.

Earlier today on Lagos/Ibadan Express Road

While driving home earlier today, I noticed something about all road users - from the drivers, to those hawking things on the road, and even passengers (for those with passengers in their vehicles). Everyone was focused on whatever task they had at hand. For people like me, our task was to drive without distractions so we could reach our destinations safely. For the hawkers (quite a number of them came to my side to advertise one thing or the other), their goal was to sell. No one was concerned about the model of car being driven, or the amount of stock the other hawker had. One goal, one focus - drive/sell. And it struck me.

This entire month has been such a ride for me - realigning, refocusing, re-strategising and redoing a lot of things, and definitely reflecting more. I've been spending more time with myself, relearning things I used to find pleasure in but lost focus along the way, because I was carried away by what I would term 'noise'. 
The buzz of social media (I'm a lover of social media, so trust me, I get caught up in the noise sometimes); the trends (thanks to TikTok and Instagram Reels); the magnitude of motivational speeches, quotes, tips, hacks everywhere got to me, and slowly I had lost myself in all of that noise. But this month was different and I'm so proud of the ride.

Amidst the noise, I kept remembering this trending sound on Reels (that someone eventually transformed into a song). It says:

"I'm a beauri
I'm a spec
I drip glory
I am nobody's ex
Haters go hate
Potatoes will potate
But my blood shall never dry"

While we chant this jokingly (myself inclusive - I even have a post where the above was my affirmation and caption for that week with a focus on my beauty in the picture), the reality is sometimes our focus is on showing haters that you can make something of your life. It reflects in everything we do; why we want that promotion; that latest car; that vacation to the Bahamas, etc. It is the center of our prayer points and aspirations - we're focused on letting them know you can make it without them.

So when I drove today, it struck me that nobody really cares what car you're driving once you mount the road. They're only focused on their destination, while ensuring that nobody hits them or they hit anyone. You don't park after seeing someone driving the latest Ford because you're in awe. You keep it moving, regardless.

That set things in perspective for me as I reflected on how October has been for me, and I just wanted to share it with you.

I'm learning (even as the month is wrapping up) to really focus in the true sense of it. That's what God has been teaching all month and today the 26th, I can say I finally get it. Do what I ask you to do when I tell you to do it! C'est fini!

Will haters not hate or do haters not exist? Of course they do. I'll be a fool to ignore that fact or pretend that this world is so perfect that everyone wants the best for you. But the truth is we spend too much time (remember I'm not excluded from this, this is me telling you the thoughts that have shaped my month) worrying about haters; thinking of how to outdo the next person and be better than our peers by own strength, and like me, we just get sucked up in the noise of the next big trend and for the one millionth time, we get distracted and are back to square one.

October changed my perspective so much. It was such an eventful, challenging but life-changing month and I'm better for it. Trust me, haters are going nowhere. You are going somewhere; focus on that thing God has put in your heart; focus on the things you've set your mind to do and forget haters for a change. Don't pray about them sef because what's to say you're not praying about yourself? (*sips tea*).

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So tell me, how has October been for you?

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P.S: I didn't plan for this blog to be this long but I guess I can't help it once I start typing, especially when it's not planned. I planned to type something else but I guess Holy Spirit had other plans. Do let me know if this resonated with you in some way and don't forget to share with me how your October has been. I also want to learn from you. Thank you.

Thank you for reading and see you in the next blog.

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