weTalk! (Thin Lines:1)

Hello blog fam.
Trust we've all been doing well. Let me start by thanking you all for your amazing support and devotion to this blog. I'm truly inspired, motivated, and encouraged to write more. The feedback from the last short story series 'Chasing Shadows' has been mind blowing. Tons of comments from different quarters (plus the comments I bullied some people into dropping... lol. (don't mind me. Your comments inspire me. I need that inspiration, so bear with me if I force the inspiration out of you, literally)) have requested a second part to the story. Many people think the story shouldn't end that way. I'm done fighting the urge not to write a part 2 of 'Chasing Shadows'. So, I guess it will be safe for me to tell y'all to anticipate a second part to the story.

In the meantime, I want us to go back to our 'weTalk' series, which I started in April 2015. It's basically short stories raising pertinent issues that affect everyone (especially, issues around relationships, since I consider that area my specialty). weTalk is aimed at getting us to discuss these issues, share ideas and opinions on what we think in the most constructive way, and learn from each other.
If you have not read the first story from the weTalk series, you can read it here. It is titled 'From a frustrated engagee': http://t.co/KMGhOvSRhT.
I'd love to hear your views on the 'frustrated engagee' issue.

Enjoy the story for today (Thin Lines), and please drop your comments after. Thank you.
....Faith Tunde-Yara


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Thin Lines...!!!


Pamela climbed the podium with such elegance and poise as always. She could feel the eyes that followed her every move till she was up on the stage. She delivered her speech on the now so popular issue - 'domestic violence'. By the time she was done, she had tears in her eyes, but she was grateful for the thick-lensed glasses she had on. She teared up easily, and it was even easier when it came to topics like this.
It was a small gathering of women, wives to husbands, mothers to children, single mothers, divorced and widowed women alike; women who had experienced pain in one or more way. Even though she was not exactly in the same age group as most of the women in the audience, she could still relate with them. They had one thing in common - they were women in the teaching profession: teachers, lecturers and researchers alike.

"We are confined in a box of rules and regulations to abide by all through our lives. It's time we spoke up. We're done upholding archaic traditions and societal expectations of women. We are first human deserving respect, before women...." Pamela paused to wipe her face with a small face towel that was placed beside her.

"Yesss..." The ladies in the audience responded calculatedly.

The response was expected. It was not meant to be the usual gathering of regular women. They were more educated than to venture into the usual display of anger that accompanied discussions focusing on women. Besides, the media presence was overwhelming; the cameras, microphones, newsmen and women alike. It was a small gathering indeed, but it would definitely be aired. The University that invited her was relatively new and it devoted resources into publicizing all its programs as a means of advertising the school.

Pamela was done in about 20 minutes and she hurried out of the hall after yet another successful lecture. She had her escort protect her from the newsmen and women, who already positioned themselves at the door to get one or two words from the renowned Dr. Pamela Ojukwu herself. 

"Whew, that was close." She sighed as she got into the Toyota Venza, safely, while the driver zoomed off immediately.

"You did well. Again." 

His deep voice startled her.

"Oh my... Sam..." Pamela placed her right hand on her chest to control her breathing, before relaxing into the leather seat.

"You startled me. Didn't know you'd be here..."

"You know I can never miss your presentations; not for anything." He touched her chin and let out a big smile.

"Here's your freshly squeezed orange juice, chilled just the way you like it." 

Pamela looked away. He ignored her reaction and handed the bottle of chilled orange juice to her.

"You had Tosan bring the juice over or what?" Pamela turned back and maintained her puzzled look.

"You worry too much. Now, drink up. We'll get you something to eat before your next appointment"

He ignored her yet again. He swiped his iPad and navigated through numerous profiles on his Instagram page before finding the link he was looking for. He opened up a new tab on his browser and began placing the order for Pamela's lunch.

"What next appointment? And where's the food coming from this time?" Pamela gulped the orange juice, and rolled her eyes at the same time. 

She was supposed to be thankful for his thoughtfulness and kindness as always. But she couldn't help but feel the direct opposite of that.

"Mealrite, my darling... Trust me, you'll love it. I was there sometime last week, it's that new restaurant I was trying to show you the other day. So far, they've had only good reviews..."

Sam could not be bothered about his wife's reaction to what he was saying. He had the final say, literally, and she knew better than to argue with him.

"But I don't feel like fast food today. I just want to go home. I have so much work to do before I resume in Unilag on Monday..." Pamela cut in without looking at her husband of six years. 

Yes, they had not been married for so long but it felt like a million years since she got married. She felt trapped. She had pursued a ton of degrees before deciding to settle down. Apart from her first degree, she had bagged two master's degree and a doctorate degree. She looked forward to marriage, and meeting Sam seemed to be the best thing that could have happened to her at the time. She was well of age by the time she decided to get married, and she was glad that he was not intimidated by her bag of degrees. She loved to pass knowledge across, and had launched her career as a researcher in psychology before venturing into full-time lecturing, which came after obtaining her first master's degree.

Sam on the other hand was a gentle man, a gentle man to the core - at least, that was what she thought. He put her needs before hers - all the time. He was the kindest person ever, thoughtful, caring, considerate, brilliant accountant, and a prayer warrior. He surpassed all expectations of the regular men you could find around. But that was the exact problem right there. He was 'too everything'. 

She shook her head on in the inside without an outward expression of head movement. She was here complaining about a man being too much of everything all the women in the room she had just lectured were craving and praying for.

"You never feel like fast food, honey. Don't worry. I know what you need." 
Sam moved closer to his wife, and put his arm lovingly around her.

"You work too hard, my dear. You deserve a bit of pampering today; my treat...." He began to giggle.
"Did you see the faces of those women? They were inspired. Together, we shall curb domestic violence..."

"Sammmm. Stop! Just stop it!" Pamela couldn't take it anymore. She saw the driver tilt his head.

"Will you face your driving?" She yelled at him.

"I just want to go home and rest. No fast food, no treats, please. You're choking me. Gosh!" Pamela freed herself from Sam's arm that was unconsciously still resting on her shoulders. 

She ignored her husband's eyes. She couldn't be bothered by whatever response or reaction he had cooking up in his head. She knew he would not lay a finger on her; he was too much of a gentle man to do that. Besides, he loved her too much- way too much that she wasn't sure she could take it anymore. She knew she had overstepped her boundary by yelling at him, especially with their driver in the car, but she couldn't help it.

She needed space. And that was exactly why she took that Unilag job despite the fact that it would mean relocating to Lagos all through the week, while she returned home on weekends only. They had talked about it, and although her loving husband had objected to taking that job, and had backed up his objections with tons of reasonable facts, including the fact that they were still trying to have their baby, she had gone ahead to take the job anyway. She needed space; she was too overwhelmed with his love and care.

She looked away, and began counting the block of houses as the driver drove into their street. She succeeded in blocking her mind from whatever was happening in the car, to the point that she did not hear her husband instruct the driver to abort his mission of taking her for the spa treatment he lovingly gushed about.

... to be continued
***

weTalk topic for discussion:
Is there such a thing as 'too much' love? What's your take on Pamela's escape plan? 


***Story by Faith Tunde-Yara
***Photo credit: thnmbcc.wordpress.com

***Huge thanks to Seyi, Demakin, and Ife for helping to coin a title for this 'weTalk' series. I don't take for granted your little contributions, every once in a while. Thank you!


Comments

  1. Too much love ke? Well I guess it is easily noticed and irritating when the love is not reciprocated.

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    Replies
    1. You're speaking for Sam, right?

      *Thanks for stopping by as always.

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    2. I feel like replying you Debola as anonymous before bobo will go and stumble on this blog now. Me I think there's something such as over love o, and o ma n su yan sometimes fah. not that it is not good o, but we must admit that so metimes it can be choking.

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  2. Hmmm, at the end of the day, I think na we women get wahala. at some point, we are not happy in a relationship because our 'bobo' isn't showing so much love. then we enter a different relationship where 'bobo' is killing us with love and we say it is too much. Wetin we want sef paapa? I think over expression of love exists and can be choking sometimes but my dear, it is certainly better than the lack of it.
    And sebi dey kuku say the love use to reduce after marriage. so it should be 'over' before marriage so it can become normal after. Darris wat I think o aunty Faith, but then, kil'omode ara mi mo.

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    1. You're so right, Ife. Or let me say, I'm with you on this. Let's hear what the men have to say about this, 'cause I'm really interested in their motivation for 'over loving'.

      Lol @ the theory about love reducing after marriage.

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  3. Basically, pamela married cos of the urge or need to get married...age wasn't on her side. But as fate would have it, she got more than what she expected...she thinks it's too good to be real. It all boils down to wrong reason for getting married and not reciprocating the love shown to her by her husband...anyways, let's see how it turns out, cos the worst thing u can do to a man who really cares is to toil with his emotions.

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    Replies
    1. Hmmmnn. I see the angle you're coming from - getting married for the wrong reason. But does it mean single ladies don't experience that 'choking' effect from their partners? Like Ife said, sometimes, we ladies don't know exactly what we want. We want the all loving, sweet, kind partner, but we also want a little space from time to time. I just feel that there could be excesses in the expression of love from partners in a relationship. Or what do you think? It's a really thin line between 'love' and an overdose of it... Let's hear from the others before I continue with what I really think is happening between Pamela and Sam.

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    2. Hmmm, there is nothing like overdose of love...expressing love has no bound. The ways of expressing it is the problem as there a variety of individuals. There is this thing they call 'Love languages'...knowing what ur partner want and giving it has he /she wants. Some wants hugs and hugs and hugs (they see that as loving) while others wants listening ears (jst to talk and talk about what's going on and u listen). If u keep hugging the one that prefers listening ears, he or she would feel unloved and probably chocked. Showing love has no limitation neither is there anything as overdose of love...understanding how u want it and how well u can show it is the koko.......and of course, communication.

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    3. Yeske...i totally agreem its d manner of xpressing it dah has d issue...we shu learn wat wrks best for our partners...gbam!

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  4. I'm really feeling for Sam o, that why is she harassing his love like that. It is such a pitiable disma- bisma. It is regrettably lugubrious that a woman so blessed by that measure of love and kindness will just choose to keep throwing the love back at the giver's face.smh

    But then, I don't think there is anything like 'over love' o. We (ladies- cos we are the ones that use that phrase) just need to open our hearts more to love (when we do, we will also give it freely). If we can daily appreciate the new sides to God's love that we experience daily (Sebi that one is not choking?), then we can also appreciate the 'shadow' of love we receive from the partners he has given us. Most times, it is because we have not completely let go of past hurts/mistakes (from families/relationships) or have not come to embrace God's love totally that we consider somebody's love choking. Okay! Put God's love side by side with your partner's, and the phrase will become "ki lo tii se?" ie "What has he done?"/ "He's still a learner trying to measure up to how God intended it to be". And that's true- we are all learners.

    And about the escape plan, I believe it will further widen the gap between them (except sister faith has a reformation encounter waiting for her in Lagos o) and that can lead to disaster in their home. As the saying goes "You don't start a fire and then blame the fire service for arriving late". Pamela, don't start a fire or rather, don't fuel the fire (cos it looks like you've started one already)

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  5. Hmmmm. Ds matter is deep. Usually, the way it works is that the man den decides to free d babe...then at dat point she strts yawning nd craving for d attention again. Wahala wa po mehn.

    @Bukola, but shey u knw dat as unending nd unconditional as Gods love is, he still gives us space! Dat is practiced in the place of choice He gives us. He gives us Hos opinion bt leaves us yo choose. Life nd death i present bfor u, choose one but i will advise u choose life (paraphrased) . That right there is the space so we can think for ourselves nd hv a sense of responsibility for our actions as well.

    As per ds madam, i know wen Sam frees her now, she will wake up kiakia.

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  6. @Ife, I think 'Love' and 'space' are two different things. God offers us His best always (love) but we are left to choose (space). Should the desire/need for space then limit the love shown? Space I agree is very essential but Love is the 'chief of staff'. So, this is where balance comes in. You have to communicate with your partner. Understand the reasons for space and honor it. Just like a couple can't be locked up in a kiss for forever, they have to separate to get air, so also is the case with 'love' and 'space'. They understand they need air and so decided to get it- and they had to do it differently/personally (Sebi they don't share the same nose&mouth).

    Giving each other space to 'breathe' (be yourself/do for yourself other things...) is essential but it shouldn't clash with 'Love'.
    Just communicate

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    Replies
    1. Ghen ghen. See plenty 'rev' sharing here. *picks pen and jotter*...

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  7. Now from the case of pamela and Sam, both doesn't understand themselves. Pamela wants companionship...oh,i have husband...i have someone I'm married too. Sam on the other hand don't understand that. He expresses his love via surprises, gifts and so much care wch pamela wasn't really cut out for. Sam isnt showing too much love, he's doing what a normal love-struck dude would do for his babe...the problem is with pamela, she should learn to accept being loved, discover how she wants to be loved and share it with Sam. I'm sure poor Sam would be hyper confused on what next to do...next thing is frustration...and pamela would begin to ask what she had done wrong (jamb question).

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  8. There is nothing called too much love...has he tried dying for you? You only get that feeling when you can't reciprocate the love or even measure up to it. In any case, a lady in such position shouldn't take offence in it... It's better to get more of it than none at all. A bitter truth is that after marriage, the butterflies get sick, after the first child, the butterflies die and these are stages a man would start acting goofy and the woman feels like the sacrificial lamb cos her responsibilities triple... Now tell me, won't u rather prefer all the love. In any case...its advisable to keep up with the seeming too much love he gives,cos if he's frustrated outta it, he becomes an aquitance to you and he can never give you that much attention again. It's a woman's world but it becomes a man's world when these responsibilities jump in...uncle will just come home late not because he is unfaithful but babe isn't that attractive again,before u get to talk for 30mins...seyi(junior) is crying and needs to be breastfed or his diapers changed. Babe's "approach-jogs"are now sagging cos it's been sucked by seyi(junior) everytime...y'all get my point...so the butterflies are already dead... So if his calling is that of too much love...just keep up with it cos in d real sense it you who has a challenge reciprocating it. This could also be vice-versa...not the approach-jogs part though,lol.cheers!

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    Replies
    1. "Approach-jogs". Ife, Wura, Debola, Bukky, epp me. I'm getting lost here. Lmao.
      But I get your point, Seyi.

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    2. Comrade Seyi aka approach jogs (only God knows where he coined that from o, lmao). Comot there, I totally disagree with ur ideology about marriage. That's why it's important to marry ur friend, create new sparks, Introduce new things...pple say love reduces after marriage cos u know, they tend to live together, see often, get bored and all the paparazzi. But I belive a marriage is like an empty box, what it is, is what u and ur spouse fill it with.
      And u can help the 'approach-jogs' from sagging too....lmao

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    3. Wura sure has a valid point here. Boredom is inevitable when you don't continue to work at keeping the fun in your relationship alive.
      Thanks dear Deewura.

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  9. I agree that there is nothing as too much love. I think everyone has different love languages and if you can't connect no matter how much love you think you are showing, it wil never be appreciated

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  10. For me, even though i agree wt Wura, Fisayo and Seyi,i still maintain that even if you are speaking my love language, there are still times dat breathing space is needed. Dats wat drives d rship...Like, " Please sweerie, LET ME MISS YOU SOMETIMES!!!! Its gud for us. Maybe 'over love' isnt the right word to use, but then...there can be choking sometimes

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  11. I hate to burst anyone's bubbles. But, my candid opinion is this: I AGREE WITH IFEOLUWA OLOLADE. I agree with everyone else on the love language issue and all, but really, there are times our partners (works for both men and women o) are 'all over' us, which is a good thing. Really, it's not something to complain about, that one's partner is thoughtful, super kind, and adores one. But sometimes, it could go overboard. I think 'love overdose' may not be the appropriate word, but that feeling that I think Pamela is feeling right now is the dwindling effect that comes with your partner being everything, all the time. In Ife's words, LET ME MISS YOU SOMETIMES!!! *straightface*. Lol.

    Where are the other guys? Ladies, drag all the guys you know to the blog right now! We need to hear their views on this matter!

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  12. This is really impressive Faith! Well done. Hmmmmm too much love? I love 'love' but I love space also. I think understanding matters. Pamela is obviously not in for the 'too much love' but she needs to be wise on how to approach the matter. Men can easily let go especially when they notice they are not appreciated. Anyway it is well but Pamela gat to be wise and Sam has to be sensitive (full stop).

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  13. Yes you're right @space. I agree.

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  14. The 5 main love languages- act of service, physical touch, quality time, receiving gifts and words of affirmation are basically 'love' centered and not 'space'. Sam is clearly doing close to all of the listed love languages. So, Pamela's problem with love isn't related to love languages in this context (as I see it). Her problem isn't about the way Sam is showing love, it is about how to 'receive love'. There is certainly something more to her reactions- bad past experiences, maybe a rape/an agonizing or boring childhood/ sour relationships or even a secret about her husband's past (the list goes on...). Or she sucks bcos she can't measure up to the love Sam is showing- simply tell him to cool down and join in the ride. And if you really are sincere with yourself and willing, you will grow in it also. The healing/solution comes when we communicate. You want space, then ask for it politely and if your reason(s) for asking for space is bcos of something he did/did not do, then settle it amicably instead of allowing it eat you up. Pamela, 'to communicate is to set a prisoner free and to discover the prisoner was you'. Sam no get worries o

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    Replies
    1. You know what Bukola, I ttally agree with you. Pamelas problem is receiving love, I bet she doesnt even know her love language or doesnt believe in it because of the past experiences she's had. it has found a way of clouding her sense of emotions. See, Ladies lets not deceive ourselves when we have loved someone whole heartedly,and have been rejected or jilted some part of us closes to the extent to which to believe,receive or express love to the next person that comes our way. And to be frank, when we dont really really love the person we are dating, his or her expression of love just irritates us, beacuse we have experienced it and reciprocated and it yielded nothing pleasurable. As for space we do really need to begin to define what we mean by space... by space do you mean no communication? or less communication? Then let me ask how you intend to ask your husband for space when you are married? And how that space will be effected, will you both have separate rooms you both can crawl in when you seemingly need space. Well, I think understanding your partner is key as well as your partner allowing himself or herself to be understandable and not difficult. wo oro po nu iwe kobo afi ki olorun ko wa mo se.

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    2. Debola, this is so true. I totally understand that inability to love the next person that comes our way after we've poured out all the love in our heart to a previous partner. Besides, the 'space' thing is just complicated. And so are ladies generally. Lol.
      Thanks dear, for this 'make-sense' contribution.

      Delete
  15. Bukky, you've raised some serious issues here.
    The possibility of one's inability to measure up to the love shown by one's partner; reactions based on past negative experiences; and the lack of proper or adequate communication...
    I guess we'll have to wait for the next episode to see which of these theories plays out for Pamela.
    ***
    Ife Somoye (Somzybrown), Welcome to the blog dear. I agree with you on the need for Pamela to apply wisdom in asking for 'space', where need be.
    ***
    Wura, Fisayo, Bukky, I guess we need a whole new platform to discuss the love languages.
    ***
    Big thanks to everyone for your contributions. So far, this discussion has been dominated by ladies. Let's #bringthemenhere!!!
    #Anticipate #ThineLines2

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  16. I'm curious to know if Pamela has always felt like this from the beginning.
    if yes, then I make bold to say shes feeling guilty.
    If no, then its the see-me-finish effect..no more mystery from the guy, nothing new.
    Plus, passion is fueled by mystery and uncertainty: that's why the beginning of every rsp. is so sweet. will she text back? will he kiss me? what will he surprise me with next etc. so if Sam is always being nice, over 6 years my guess is that hes now boring...
    In all, relationships are too complex to be categorized into boxes.
    Maybe she needs space, maybe she doesn't love him (anymore) or maybe their love language is different. Sometimes, even professional relationship counselors cant get a hold of what the matter is...thats why they all preach the gospel of COMMUNICATION.

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    Replies
    1. So i'm dancing here (for real). R.eLLe on the blog! Yaayyy.
      Okay, let me be serious.
      I agree with you totally on the 'see-me-finish-effect' theory. And it would be an understatement to say that relationships are super complex, especially from a girl's perspective. We want different things all at the same time. We want to be loved, adored, and still have some space; maybe not 'space-space' like a friend told me. Maybe it's 'semi-space' every once in a while.
      But communication is indeed key. I just feel communication, the lack of it plus its excesses (if there's anything like that) is another complexity that comes with relationships.

      That being said, stay tuned to the blog. Let's find out what the real problem is with Pamela.

      Thanks for stopping by, dear. I'm super excited! Super, super!! Lol.

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  17. this issue, in my opinion, is a 2 way street..in the sense that we can pick faults from both parties..perhaps if pamela had seen those gestures as coming from a friend, she might have reacted differently...there is more to being a husband than kind gestures and all..not saying kind gestures are bad, but from the story, pamela is the type of woman who, first of all, cherishes mental stimulation much more than any love language(which isn't exactly good all the time cos eventually, such a woman can lose sight of what's important). So, maybe Sam should turn his attention to being her friend by becoming more involved with her work and all. When you are friends with a woman, you get to understand when to give her some space cos every woman needs that, even if she worships you....Now to Pamela (and women generally)...i can never wrap my head around the statement 'too much love'..i just dont understand...here is a man trying to love you the way God Himself stipulated and you are der doing like they hit your head with a baseball bat..if such a man's love is reflective of the way God loves us, are you then going to say that God is 'over loving' you??? let me state here that i am NOT against women pursuing great careers and all, personally i have alot of respect for such women, but women should never let a good an budding career make them lose sight of what's important, which clearly has already happened to Pamela...cos in the event that the cookie crumbles, who would she lean on?....this is a beautiful piece faith..i am proud of you indeed

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    Replies
    1. Yaaayyy. Papi (Wole) is live on the blog.
      Thanks dear. You've made some valid points here. I think everything still boils down to proper understanding of what works for one's partner. And I agree with you that every woman (at least women I know) crave for some space every once in a while.
      Thanks for showing up on the blog. We look forward to seeing more of you here.

      Delete
  18. Nice story Fae! Am in support of 'too much love' cos e dey sweet for belle #lol. But I think there is more to Pamela acting like this towards her hubby. It could be something from her past that makes her feel it is impossible for love to be expressed the way her husband expresses it. Sometimes love can be choking but na 'mumu love' me no like. Welldone my dear. Episode two loading!!!

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    Replies
    1. Lol. So the 'love that chokes' can be 'mumu-ish' at times or a combination of both.

      Thanks dear, for stopping by. I guess we all have to wait to see what's up with Pamela.

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  19. Well, I believe there should be a tact to the display of love. Yeah, Pamela might be overreacting, but I believe as humans, we love to be intrigued, anticipating what might happen as against what will happen. If your understanding of love to me is always giving me what you think I want, I might turn against you and start seeing as a needy person. We love to be intrigued and if you're the type that is cut out for elaborate displays of affection, you have to understand that what keeps people glued is what they want and not what you think they want. Even God didn't give us a messiah because he thought we needed one, he gave us a messiah when Simon and Anna (see Luke 1 & 2) started asking for one.
    See, to me, I believe there is something called "too much display of affection". If you like, be at my service all u want, all day, if what you are offering is not what I want, sorry, you're a pain in the neck.
    We men have to understand that displaying affection is meant to be like an hydra. It has many heads. Sometimes, you have to be as mushy as possible and sometimes, you have to come off as tough as possible. There is a time and season for all things. You cannot just always be so "loving". Kilode?? Is it that you lack ideas of how to deal with your spouse?
    See, women will readily forgive a heartbreaker than a boring guy. After all, no one rigorously pays attention to the alphabets after we have learnt it because there is really nothing new there...

    ****
    Comment by Akinola Olatunji.

    ***
    If you're having trouble dropping comments on this post or you know anyone having trouble with posting comments, I apologize for all the stress. Please send your comments to me via tolulfaith@gmail.com. I'll help with the publishing.

    Let's bring more friends to the blog to learn something and share ideas too.

    Thank you so much, for all your contributions so far.

    Now, let's bring more guys and married peeps to the blog. We need to hear their views.
    Gracias.

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  20. Love is everything, and there can't be enough to give or receive. This story brings up a lot of questions and its great for discussion. Thanks for sharing and warm greetings!

    ReplyDelete

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