No Record! Offense be gone!

"Love keeps no record of wrong [I Cor 13:5, NIV]

Hi everyone. How are you all doing?

Welcome to a new month, the first of the last quarter of this special year that 2021 has been. 

And look who is trying to follow through with her promise to come back to the blog and be as consistent as possible. 💃 I guess we have the Holy Spirit to thank for this one because the spirit of this girl is willing but Lord save her flesh from procrastination and laziness.😅

Anyway, let's get into today's "word on the go", which is centered on OFFENSE. This is also a post I should have made last month but couldn't get around to posting because (see last blog post for reason 😀).

In the middle of September, for some reason, I kept getting this nudge to beware of offenses - being offended, taking offense and offending people. Coincidentally, God confirmed the need for me to be careful through different messages. Everywhere I looked, there was a post, a tweet, a caption, a 30-second video, something that spoke to the need for me to guard my heart even more diligently because the spirit of offense was lurking. Because I know how God talks to me, I did not take any message lightly.

An example of such messages. This was a tweet that the poster had initially posted in July but she brought it back to Instagram in September

Fast forward to the third week of September or so, my mentor shared something that someone had done to her; how this person publicised a very sensitive, private matter and I was livid; you would have thought I was the direct recipient of the wrong that was done to my mentor. But thank God for Mercy. As we spoke (I was supposed to be the one calming her down o, but I was even more vexed because the devil is a what? A bastard lurking around through the spirit of offense 😂), we reminded ourselves of the different warnings God had given us separately (and we had shared with each other) about the need to be on guard because the devil means business with this spirit of offense, especially amongst Christians, and we calmed down (I calmed down because my mentor was even calmer than I was about the situation 😅).

Exactly two days after, something else happened. I had an international conference paper to present (an academic one) and it was major for me. I had been preparing for months. I have two really close school friends that knew how long I had been trying to get this opportunity, and because school brought us together, they were the second and third people I told (after Hubs) once my paper was accepted in April. As the days drew near, I expected them to ask how preparations were going and if I was ready and all that academic check-up you expect from those that know the background story nah but nothing of such happened; especially because that's exactly what I would do. So on the day of my presentation, I reached out to them on our WhatsApp group to say this:

And honestly, I felt good that I had let it off my chest and disrupted the spirit of offense.

Now, here are some lessons I learnt about offfense and its related accomplices in September:

1. Most times, the "offenders" don't even know they've wronged you in any way. 

I saw a post in September also about the need for people to stop putting the burden of how their actions and/or inactions are interpreted on themselves. In order words, how you react to what a person does or does not do / says or does not say / behaves or does not behave is solely your responsibility not the other person. People can behave however they want. How you interpret the behaviour is left to you.

Take the case of my friends for instance; they have lives outside of our friendship and they might have genuinely forgotten despite my noise about the presentation. Is it their fault that I had nursed a certain type of care in the form of them checking up on me to know preparations were going for my own paper? Absolutely not.

But that is how many of us behave. We expect our friends, spouses, parents, colleagues, children to "get us." We say things like "but she should know this is a bad time; couldn't he have called to check up on me and so on..." We don't pause to think of why someone behaved a certain way if in fact that is not how they normally behave. And guess what? It's because we're inherently selfish; thinking about ourselves first; putting ourselves, our feelings, our issues ahead of others.

This does not however mean that we should go about acting anyhow with the perception that people should bear the responsibility of interpreting our bad or insensitive behaviour. All I'm saying is don't find yourself getting upset at how people have spoken, behaved, acted and so on. Take in the relevant information you need and be quick to discard any attitude you think was accompanied by the message, views, and perceptions of another. Do you get?

2. Be alert; read the signs; and block offenses before they come.

This is closely linked to point 1. Sometimes you may not know when someone is about to offend you, especially if you have no relationship with the offender, e.g. a frustrated driver in traffic; a nasty cashier at the mall, etc. But even if the offender is someone you don't know, there's a principle my mentor taught me that has really helped me handle hurts, disappointments and downright nasty behaviour from people, differently. According to her, the trick to not losing your calm and letting everything get to you is to respond, not react. 

What this does is you're able to think more logically before addressing a situation that should normally make you act out (cause a reaction, mostly negative). And what happens most times is, the instigator of the offense will realise their wrong and be ashamed of their action(s).

For people you have any type of relationship with, especially those that are not mere acquittances; people you live with; work with; are married to or in a romantic relationship with; your besties and so on, you can almost tell what they can do to get you offended. Once you start seeing the signs, don't discard it as "that's how this person behaves around this time of the month". No. Shut the offense down immediately. I'm learning to do this as well. 

If I begin to get weird vibes from a friend, my husband, siblings or even my parents, I chat them up or call to ask what's up? That way, the devil loses the battle over your mind - that battle that makes you second-guess everything the other person does or does not do; read unnecessary meanings to what they say; how they said it; what they posted on social media - you start thinking if it's about you or something you did or said; and all that drama - that's the tactic of the devil, because while you're there preoccupied with irrelevant calculations of every move of this person, he or she does not even know that you're feeling that way, and they're living life normally. The devil derives pleasure in causing discord, disunity and disharmony.

This exact thing described above, happened to me in September. My dear friend called me to say she was feeling some type of way about my posts and had unfollowed me. I loved the honesty and because there was no offense to begin with, it was easy to just laugh at the stupid tactic of the devil, which brings me to my third point.

3. Don't disregard any feelings that comes with offense.

If you feel betrayed, hurt, stabbed in the back, disappointed, however you feel, do not sweep that feeling under the carpet. Again, this is closely linked to the second point.

Bottling up feelings is another tactic of the devil. (You must think I have something against the devil in today's post 😀, but really, this is just the plain truth). The Bible says the devil lurks around looking for trouble where there is none (steal, kill, destroy - John 10:10). Peace is not his thing, so trust me to pin disharmony on him. 

What bottling up feelings does is, you get to a point where the bottle is full and it bursts; and that's when you explode, usually over something very flimsy. So, talk about how you feel, first to yourself. Acknowledge the pain you're feeling; once you've done that, speak with the offender and let them know how their action(s) or inaction(s) and/or speech hurt you.

Do this without an expectation that they would acknowledge their wrongs as well and apologise. Just do it for your own peace of mind and sanity.

4. Lastly, keep no record.

I Cor 13:6 [NIV] is my anchor verse for today's post: "Love ... keeps no record of wrongs."

Profound, right? I first started meditating on this verse earlier in the week and here is the insight I got from a verse many of us think is impossible to practice, because it inherently means you forgive and forget every wrong that has been done to you. The forgiving part, we say, is easy, but the forgetting part is what I got insight on this week.

When I was pregnant with my daughter, I used to forget things a lot. I could be sweeping this minute, pause to get a glass of water in the kitchen, and totally forget that I was sweeping to begin with. I forgot food on fire one time; another time I struggled to remember my husband's birthday. I started getting worried because I may not be a genius but my brain was sharp when it came to remembering events, dates, and ... wait for it ... offenses: who did what; the day they did it; what they said; how they said it; the tone they used; the gestures that accompanied what they said if any, and so on. It took about a year after I had given birth before I realised there is such a thing called pregnancy brain. I'm sure there is a technical name for it but apparently, you experience some form of amnesia during pregnancy and it might take a while to fully recover. I have still not fully recovered, almost three years after. 😂

Now, the good part of this pregnancy brain syndrome for me is that I don't remember offenses and all those irrelevant information I used to store up in my brain. When Hubs and I have any misunderstanding, he is the one that opens the book of remembrance 😆 on what I said or did some years back and I'm just blank, like when, how, me ke?🙆 And before you think it's only for offenses of several years ago, it's not. We can argue over something today and two days after, I honestly can't remember what the argument was about, except he reminds me. And it's the same with my other relationships. I genuinely don't remember hurtful things that people do to me. I may remember they hurt me, but find it very difficult to recall what exactly they did or said (especially). 

Now, I don't know if my mind has configured itself to only think of and recall lovely things like the Bible says [Philippians 4:8], but I really love the fact that I have NO RECORD!

And that is how to love. When people offend you, let it go (whether or not they apologise). Do the first three things I've talked about and wrap up with this last point - keep no record. The mind is so powerful, but you're even more powerful. You can configure your mind through the help of the Holy Spirit, to keep no record of wrongs.

The best part is, you'll get to live happier; more settled and just be a love giver to everyone around you.

That brings me to the end of today's Word on the go.

I hope this has spoken to you in some way. If it has, do let me know in the comments. Also share with me how you deal with offenses. I'll love to learn from you as well.

May the Lord expound His word in your heart.

Till the next post, keep no record of wrongs, and enjoy true peace!

💗 and 💡

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