The Beauty in our Differences

Hello People!

How are we doing?
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Welcome to the 8th month of the year. Can you believe it? 2017 is going so fast and even though I felt July was really slow, it's amazing to see how fast the year is going generally.
I hope we've all been putting our aspirations and inspirations to good use. If you're like me who is yet to meet a whole bunch of set targets  don't get all worked up. You're not alone. We're in this together...lol. But of course, we can't relent in our efforts to meet those targets and reach those goals.
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Today, I just want to think aloud. Call it a random musing, open soliloquy... whatever fits the description after you're done reading. But it's borne out of what I have observed in the past few months; an issue that began to affect my self esteem without even realizing it until a week ago when I was at a book review and the issue came up and it struck me for the umpteenth time.

It's about comparison of people's abilities and achievements.
I don't know about you but I grew up in an environment where comparison is embedded in every single thing we do. Parenting styles have a touch of comparison to it - you hear things like 'Is that what so and so scored in the test? Does the child that came first in class have two heads? Is this where your mates are at this point in their lives? Can't you get a better job like so and so? Is this the best you can come up with - look at what so and so's child has achieved?'

It's not any easier in relationships of any sort. People compare the visible achievements and status of other relationships with theirs. I remember comparing a friend's supposed twisted love life with what seemed to be my steady love life at the time. I was literally thanking God for not being in her shoes at the time. The funny thing is that steady relationship I was flaunting in my mind did not end up anywhere.
It doesn't get better in business spaces, corporate world, places of employment, in our neighborhoods - name it. The one that I can't wrap my head around is spiritual comparison. I see people compare their spiritual growth with others and honestly, I get weak just by thinking of this.
How difficult can it be for us to accept that we're different and can do different things at different paces?
There's always a part of us that thinks we're checking up on our level of growth and success by comparing our lives with what the next person's life is.

On a personal note:
I formed a habit of checking up on people's lives on professional network platforms. I tell myself I'm just trying to see what that platform has to say about them. But most times, I end up feeling depressed after seeing how much these people have achieved based on what such professional network platforms has to say. I'd get depressed for days and think I'm probably a loser after all. Maybe I'm not as talented as I think. Or maybe there is really nothing special about what I do, say or write. Then I'll step out of the negative thoughts and begin to task my brain on what professional course I need to take to boost my abilities; what books I need to read; what TV programs I should begin to watch; who I should begin to follow either for the sake of silent mentoring or just so I can know what these people are doing to achieve the results they're achieving. Needless to say I rarely ever follow up on these 'positive steps' as much as I plan to, just because the motive is flawed.

But recently, I took some time out to reflect and nip this habit in the bud. It was then I realized how much harm I've been doing to myself, especially because I usually spent more time in the depressed state than the positive one I just painted up there. Sometimes, I'll be moody for weeks just because I just found out xyz was on TV to talk about his or her product; abc just launched a book; this person just opened a store; that person got this degree at this age; the other one is done giving birth to her kids at this age when I haven't even started; and so on and so forth.

In the process of calling myself to order, I began to recall the places I have worked and the value I have added in the process; the things I've been able to do in the years I think have been extremely long just because I compared my life with another's. I thought of comments made by former bosses and colleagues; I recalled comments made in passing about something I did and I felt really good after that reflective process.
I reflected to a point where I began to think of people that can fall into the category of 'exception to rule' when it comes to using comparison as a style of measuring abilities and achievements and my parents came to mind. Not once have they compared whatever any of us can do or has been able to do with the other.
And while I don't advocate mediocrity, I honestly believe that comparing your ability with another's is a fast and potent way of destroying yourself. I'd have to find out if there are benefits from what some people may call 'healthy comparison' but generally, comparisons usually take a negative toll on people's self esteem, abilities and in the long run, their achievements.

Our differences are as numerous as the number of humans we have on earth. I was assigned to a dentist in July and I found out this dentist can use both hands well. I mean she can operate with both hands properly; write well with them and shuffle between both hands properly without any struggle while operating. It was beautiful to watch her do what most people cannot do with their hands and it buttressed the result of my recent reflection - which is that there is beauty in our differences.

Imagine what the world would look like if we were all the same; behaved alike, thought alike, spoke alike, responded to issues alike? I bet we'd be all dead from boredom.
Also imagine if you had the ability to fit into the numerous roles needed for your organisation to run? While it may seem that you'll be saving a whole lot of money from not employing anyone to assist you, I can bet that you'd not live long enough to enjoy the proceeds of your business. That's because you'd burn out from having to be the director, secretary, driver, gate man, liaison officer, and as many positions you need for your organisation to run effectively.

When we begin to appreciate what we can do separately from what other people can do, there will be less contention. We won't have to struggle to have what the other person has; or envy the new position of that colleague; or crave the other person's spouse. The ability to appreciate people for who they are and what they can do is golden, and I believe we should all crave such ability.
Let's work towards imbibing a better habit that is devoid of comparison. Let's cultivate the habit of being truly happy for people; celebrating the achievements of people; advertising the talents and skills of the next person when the need arises without feeling threatened by the success of that person; and of course, appreciating the uniqueness that we all bring to the table.

It's a new month!
We can be so much more than we already are by appreciating the beauty that lies in our differences.

Have a lovely August.
Let's talk again soon. *wink*
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Faith Olatunbosun


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Photo credit: www.bookofallquotes.com
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Have you gone through the motions of comparison and succeeded in breaking out from the negative effects? If yes, please share your experience and tips with everyone in the comment box below.