I Gave Birth and my life Stopped!

A 2-week old picture of me being so happy - that's my current state till date

Hi people.

Happy new year is in order since this is the first time I'm showing up this year.

Trust everyone has been doing great.

I'm starting this year with this post that is long overdue. I'm done overthinking and putting myself in the "short stories" box, which is not even the original intention for creating this blog. I literally had a brain reset this past week, and I told myself, no more! No more waiting till the perfect time to put my thoughts to paper like I used to do before. I mean, this blog was created out of the need to escape and basically share everything (well, almost everything) in my mind and just have a no judgment-free spirited-joyful-escape zone; some place I can come back to and read stuff and just laugh and the world is a better place again.

For those that have followed my blog long enough, you'll remember that's exactly what this blog was about - no unnecessary seriousness anywhere. Life is already hard as it is.

On that note, I welcome everyone (new and old readers) to my blog (which I should totally find a new name for, but until them remains Tyfaith's Blog). I really hope you find this space as interesting as I'd love it to be and you also find solace in coming here to just relax.

My first post of the year.... *inserts drum roll*

For those that didn't know, I have a beautiful (the most beautiful, if I do say so myself) daughter; gave birth to her in 2018. And boy, it's been such a journey.

I can't fully describe what it has been to mother a child this past 15months. But I can say for sure, it can be sooooooo exhausting.

There was a time I basically felt my life STOP, no kidding - it was as if I no get life. One minute, I'm bathing her, dressing her up, feeding her, cleaning, arranging, washing, burping, rocking her to sleep, feeding her again, next minute, it's another day and the circle never stops. There-is-literally-no-break! None at all.

And I didn't have help (I still have no help) so it was just me and my head (*read in Yoruba*).

I tried my hands on things just so I can still get the feeling of having a life outside the whole baby minding rollercoaster. It was in the midst of this I started typing that short story series I promised to post last year and still haven't been able to post. But I just found myself grasping for air, like I was choking with too many commitments- mostly voluntary.

One day, I just told myself "who send you work bayi?"...

My first challenge was accepting that childbirth and nursing didn't turn out as I imagined in my head. Before giving birth, I could brag about being super active, being an authentic multi tasker, could juggle so many things at the same time without feeling overwhelmed. But the exact opposite happened after I gave birth. I was constantly behind schedule for most things, including the tiniest things like responding to chats, and that's how I began slipping into bits and pieces of depression. I was just unhappy about everything. But I'll show up like all is well (social media is a fluke, trust me).

Also, my birth experience was nothing like I had imagined and snapping back was another battle. So I felt useless, like I had set a goal and couldn't meet up. I hated my body, I just couldn't make sense of what the big deal was in bathing and feeding a child. And I'd resolve to crack the code everyday by scheduling chores better, but I failed woefully almost every day, till I stopped fighting.

Maybe I set the bar too high for myself, maybe I wasn't being realistic, maybe this, maybe that.

And once I accepted my weakness and strengths, I've been better off.

Now, there's a bit of movement in my life. It's still not as fast paced as I'd love it, I still have tons of deadlines to meet up, but I'm not stressing again. I'm taking one day at a time. Not even the banter about "the year is moving very fast" is getting to me.

Yes, I've set goals, and one day I'll meet them.

Baby steps, darling.

#endofrant

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Honestly, I can't tell you what the morale of my story is, but I just feel someone needs to know that it's okay to set goals for yourself, but just know you might meet those goals and sometimes, you may not.

What's important is you're making progress, however little.

No pressure, darling.

You'll make a success out of your life. Just wait and see 😉

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That's it for today.

See you on my next post.

xoxo 

Faith