Mother's Day Celebration: A tale of miscarriage!

Hey people.

How're you doing?

It's been a minute on the blog but I've been as active as possible as I can be on the blog's Instagram page (@tyfaithsblog), which you should be following if you don't want to miss out on my random gists.😉

Today, I'm dedicating this post to all mothers but most especially to those that have miscarried a baby or more.

I finally have the courage to do this after (almost) 3 years. Whew.

Ready?

Here it goes.

Sometime in October 2017, I found out I was pregnant. It was the most beautiful thing to ever happen to me. I couldn't express the feeling. My husband had just come to visit me in school (outside our home country, Nigeria) where we celebrated our first year wedding anniversary and it must have been the anniversary "doing" that led to the pregnancy. I found out I was pregnant after he had returned home, and I still remember how excited he was when I told him over the phone.

Two weeks or so later, I had gone on one of my personal shopping trips for a client after school, then got home to do some cooking for the choir and the following day, I spotted blood in my pants whilst visiting a friend. I immediately called my best friend to tell her what happened. I also told the friend (who turned out to be such an amazing soul throughout the experience) I was visiting and she advised that I should just rest, that it was probably because I had been stressing myself. They were both new moms, so I figured they'll understand what was going on.

Two days after I confirmed I was pregnant

I went home, rested as advised but woke up in the middle of the night to see myself bleeding heavily, big clots that I can't really describe here with grams and kilograms (I'm bad at maths 🤣). And that was the beginning of the loss of my first baby.

I visited the hospital and after being examined, I was given a letter that said something like chances of "incomplete abortion". I asked what they meant by that, I was insulted, mi ò abort o (I'm not trying to abort o) - and was told it meant a likely case of miscarriage but baby is still there, blah blah blah. The letter was to help me get a pass for my travel back home which was about a week from when this drama started.

My best friend's husband, who is a doctor, said they were supposed to put me on bed rest but none of that happened. And I bled heavier each passing day.

But for three people that God used for me, I would have probably died, no kidding. Two of them were my male neighbours, they moved me to their house, monitored me every day for ten days, fed me, the only thing I did was to bathe myself.

One of those days while bleeding (and this bleeding came with such pain that I can't describe with words - "excruciating" would be putting it mildly. I would groan in pain all night, and probably sleep off in between. They would tell me in the morning how scared they were and how they stayed up all night while I battled with life), I got tired of the pain, and I started shouting in prayers on top of my voice in the bathroom, binding and casting out the pain. I didn't stop till I felt a relief.

I still believed my baby was okay regardless of the bleeding.

These guys - heaven sent humans!

On the 23rd of November, I flew back into the country to celebrate with my sister as she got married. The surprising thing was I stopped bleeding on the plane. I still felt very pregnant, so I did my best to keep having faith that my baby was alive.

On the 24th of November, I traveled down to Ibadan for my girl's engagement but stopped quickly to check myself at our family doctor's hospital. Alas, incomplete abortion confirmed. The tissue around the membrane was still in but foetus was gone or something like that, the doctor explained.

My heart broke into a million pieces. I tried not to cry, took a bike down to the venue, changed into my dress and partied like no other. Got home that night, tried on the dress my sister made me for the wedding proper the following day, was so excited at the fit of the dress, plus it was my first off-shoulder dress (jjc slay queen moves 🤣) and it was so pretty, I began to dance in excitement. 

Me at my sister-friend's wedding

As I danced, I asked my brother to record a video of me dancing. I uploaded that video on Instagram and at night when everyone had gone to bed, I cried... oh I cried my lungs out (my eyes are getting watery as I type this... lol). My mum woke up, joined me in the sitting room where I decided to sleep and hugged me tight as we prayed.

The following day, I went to support my girl and honestly it was the best event ever. I had such a blast, it was such a pity I couldn't wait for the after-party.

But after that day, my world fell apart. And by the following year's mother's day, I was broken all over again.

The story is way longer than this - the process of getting pregnant again, the unsolicited advice of 'I thought by the time I'd see you again, you'll already have a baby - you know women should hurry with having babies o' from my hairdresser at the time, the sadness that just engulfs one when you see another pregnant woman, the hormones that refuse to get balanced on time so you can fall pregnant again, the tons of hospital visits and drugs, the mood swings, just so many things.

But I'm so thankful, so thankful that it has ended in praise!

Today, on mother's day, my heart goes out to everyone that has carried a baby in their womb once or twice or many times, but the journey to motherhood was cut short for whatever reason.

No one knows how you feel better than you. Even though I've gone through one experience, I still can't tell you this is how to feel. It's a deep seated pain that comes with miscarrying a child; it doesn't matter if that child spent a day or months in your womb.

You, mothers, are worth celebrating!

You wet your beds every night and hold your tummies everytime you see a beautiful child.

You are worth celebrating!

They tell you it's going to be fine; read to you the statistics of miscarriages that happens everyday in a bid to make you feel like it's normal or you're overreacting for wanting to get pregnant immediately after losing a child.

They even say it's not a child you've lost, it's just foetus, and everytime they say that, you just want to punch them in the face.

You are worth celebrating!

I don't have tips to share on how to cope with a miscarriage. I was a mess on the inside but extremely jivy on the outside. 98% of my friends that will read this will be finding out for the first time, and I won't blame anyone that thinks me secretive for not sharing till now. But how do you share something you have no words for?

So let them be, if you know anyone that has gone through or is going through a miscarriage or series of miscarriages. If their coping mechanism is to be unnecessarily active everywhere and be laughing so hard or they just want to be by themselves, just let them be.

Above all, pray for your friends, people. You don't need to know what anyone is going through before you pray for them.

Just pray. And stop being a womb watcher (I've written about this on facebook countless times); stop asking questions, stop speculating, stop helping people calculate. Just pray when a friend's thought comes to mind. You have absolutely no idea the battles people face behind closed doors.

To all expecting mothers (yes, that's what I call you because your baby (or babies) is coming. I know!), happy mothers day!

I love you so much and you remain a part of my daily prayers since 2017.😁

God knows what you're going through and He's going to answer you!

My testimony however, is that my baby came exactly a year after I danced! Same day! The most amazing event planner ever (God) did that! 🙌

And you can trust me to dance every year because of this.

Check my Instagram page for my dance for last year 😃 (@teewaieffsbeautyhouse)

Baby bump shoot - I was so round by this time.🤣

Happy mother's day once again.

You're singing a new song soon!

So much love, light, hugs and kisses. 🤗

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I'll really love to hear your thoughts on this post. Please don't leave without dropping a comment. If you find it difficult to drop one here, you can drop it in the comment section of this post on my blog's Instagram page - @tyfaithsblog.

See you on my next post.